If you’re reading this, I’M BACK!

What if I told you time does not exist? You’d probably tell me I’m full of shit and that I should’ve posted something sooner. You’re probably onto something there (sort of). I apologize a thousand times for the lack of post. Saying that I’ve been busy is the understatement of the year. I’ve been through hell and back these past couple of months. Which I will be posting about in the near future.. I’m back though and that’s all that matters so here’s to new beginnings. I’m working on a new concept as of right now. So here’s to bigger and better things!


Fear Less


FEAR. The word itself kinda brings chills doesn’t it? Because the moment you see it, your own list of fears seem to magically appear. Lately I found myself re-watching the TV hit series One Tree Hill a show I used to watch way back when. I almost forgot how many great life lessons I learned while watching it. During one of the episodes the character Whitey Durham said to Lucas Scott “There’s no shame in being afraid. Hell, we’re all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you’re afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it.” and it made me think of all the times I was afraid of doing something, and how I ended up not doing them at all. The regret I feel is tremendous. I was Afraid of failure, afraid of what others might think of me, afraid of not doing it perfectly, afraid I wasn’t good enough, afraid, afraid ,afraid, afraid. The list of my fears were endless. I think I did a pretty good job masking how afraid I truly was. I’ve been suffering from anxiety from an early age fueling and causing many fears. No matter how hard I tried getting rid of my thoughts they just wouldn’t go away. They would sneak up on me like a thief in the night. One second I was busy going through my daily routine and before I knew it my anxiety came sweeping in like my knight in shining armour.

“There’s no shame in being afraid. Hell, we’re all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you’re afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it.”

There was one word I was afraid of being called; WEAK. I loathed that word with everything I had inside of me. I didn’t ever wanted to be perceived as a weak. Because I wasn’t weak, I was a warrior, fighting demons inside of me that didn’t seem to even flinch every time I tried to fight them off. I was in a battle field of my own. Self-help books, blogs, movies you name it and I tried watched or read them to get rid of this feeling of shame. Shame because I was afraid. Lord knows how afraid I was. It wasn’t until I became an adolescent that I decided to put a face on all the things I’m afraid of. Not knowing that I unconsciously heard it being said in One Tree Hill. Fear doesn’t fade away instantly it takes time, a lot of it. The thing I learned about destroying fear that resides inside of you is to talk about it. The more you talk about fear, the less control it has over you. I know this might not work for everyone but it does for me. Am I fear free? No I’m not. Anxiety is still a part of me, a part I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get rid off. But what I do know is that I have the tools to destroy every thought that tries to consume me. Breathe in, Breath out. Repeat. Talk, write, sing, draw or use any outlet that works for you to defeat fear. I found myself feeling less ashamed of talking about my fears. It’s a big step in the right direction right? I used to think that talking about my fears made them more real. When in reality they already were, whether I talked about them or not. I’m not there yet but I’m one step closer to the final destination.

So many great things can happen in your life when you don’t let fear take over. And I know it’s easier said then done but I believe in you. As I hope you believe in me.
If you have any advice on dealing with fear and anxiety. Make sure to leave them in the comments below!

“Fear changes everything”

See you soon ❤︎

Amor Vitae

Here I am listening to Alessia Cara’s song “River of tears” trying to figure out what my first blog post should be about. While my emotions are all over the place and my thoughts are taking me places I do not want to go to. When will the day come where my emotions and thoughts are in sync or at least rest while the other is going on rampage within me? If you’re asking yourself what your signing yourself up to reading my blog. Than this is pretty much it. Just little Ole’ me trying to keep my mind in-check long enough to scribble down some words on a piece of paper translating into a phenomenal groundbreaking good enough blog post.

Here I am, now listening to Jana Kramer’s “Circles” you would think I have been through a horrible break up that is making me wallow in my own misery. But i’m actually just listening to an amazing, underrated singer who deserves way more attention than she is getting right now. See what I did there?

So about that phenomenal groundbreaking good enough blog post.

As a 13 year ish high school student struggling with self-image, an amount of love for writing and reading that really should be illegal and insomnia I decided to start my first blog. It was such a success that I didn’t even remember the name of it. But it was a relatively good blog about all the books I used to love. At the time I befriended an older woman who happened to be a writer as well, oh how I miss her now(If you’re reading this and remember my name,hit me up!). I hate how so many magnificent human beings that meant so much to me at some point in my youth have become strangers.

So am I close to writing a phenomenal groundbreaking good enough blog post?

I tried. I tried. I tried.

“Keep reading. It’s one of the most marvelous adventures that anyone can have.”

I promise to take you along on this self-deprecating, self-liberating, passionately insane, somewhat hilarious but most of all enigmatic adventure.

See you soon ❤︎